Incredible. This makes me think about something I want to do next week.
I need to fly back to Canada. My parents sold their house and I need to go back to get rid of the last of my things.
Regardless of whatever meritocratic faux modern aristocrat bullshit my parents raised me under, one thing has become starkly clear...
My mom has never had her emotions respected.
I was a little toxically masculine girl. My dad and brothers excited and intrigued me and my mom was relevant only for being more like boys than most women. She worked twice as hard to get half of my respect.
She is, however, also the reason I never felt held back by my gender. She can kick any man's ass at carpentry, hiking, hunting, and other "traditionally masculine" endeavors.
My dad treats my mom like a vocano. As much as he adores her, when she has "feelings," he will do whatever it takes to mollify her, no matter who he abuses or is unfair to in the process (hi, it's me!). My mom is high intensity, no joke, but rather than learning or caring we all treated her like shit for it, calling her hysterical, all while never respecting what she was experiencing or going through. Was she being fair? Probably not, but she was having feelings and we never seemed to respect them.
So I plan to take my mom for a walk and ask her about her emotions and if she even understands the concept of emotional validation. I want to tell her that she's worthy of being seen and held in her feelings, and if she ever wants to rant or express something, she can call me or write to me. I, for one, love a good rant to get my anger/hurt/whatever off my chest.
Love this balanced take on the subject. We could all stand to be more objective and aware narrators 💞
I distinctly remember the moment when I realised my mother was an actual person in her own right, not just my mum. I was in my early teens, and it rattled me a bit if I'm honest. My mum was the one I relied on to benchmark my own actions and behaviours, and to realise she could be wrong, or had interests outside of parenting rocked that assurance. But, when my parents divorced, she started doing things for herself more. She had hobbies and would very occasionally take a weekend away with friends, without my sister and I. Looking back, once I got over the initial shock, I loved that my mum was a whole person and didn't continue to pretend otherwise. I'm lucky, my relationship with her has always been supportive and loving, but I think the greatest lesson she taught me as a girl was to not let being in service to others become my entire life. Thanks for sharing, Mark. Beautiful reflections x
Incredible. This makes me think about something I want to do next week.
I need to fly back to Canada. My parents sold their house and I need to go back to get rid of the last of my things.
Regardless of whatever meritocratic faux modern aristocrat bullshit my parents raised me under, one thing has become starkly clear...
My mom has never had her emotions respected.
I was a little toxically masculine girl. My dad and brothers excited and intrigued me and my mom was relevant only for being more like boys than most women. She worked twice as hard to get half of my respect.
She is, however, also the reason I never felt held back by my gender. She can kick any man's ass at carpentry, hiking, hunting, and other "traditionally masculine" endeavors.
My dad treats my mom like a vocano. As much as he adores her, when she has "feelings," he will do whatever it takes to mollify her, no matter who he abuses or is unfair to in the process (hi, it's me!). My mom is high intensity, no joke, but rather than learning or caring we all treated her like shit for it, calling her hysterical, all while never respecting what she was experiencing or going through. Was she being fair? Probably not, but she was having feelings and we never seemed to respect them.
So I plan to take my mom for a walk and ask her about her emotions and if she even understands the concept of emotional validation. I want to tell her that she's worthy of being seen and held in her feelings, and if she ever wants to rant or express something, she can call me or write to me. I, for one, love a good rant to get my anger/hurt/whatever off my chest.
Love this balanced take on the subject. We could all stand to be more objective and aware narrators 💞
I appreciate your kind comment and your share Bear 🙏 I am sure your Mom will feel your seen and loved by you just being with her 🥰
I distinctly remember the moment when I realised my mother was an actual person in her own right, not just my mum. I was in my early teens, and it rattled me a bit if I'm honest. My mum was the one I relied on to benchmark my own actions and behaviours, and to realise she could be wrong, or had interests outside of parenting rocked that assurance. But, when my parents divorced, she started doing things for herself more. She had hobbies and would very occasionally take a weekend away with friends, without my sister and I. Looking back, once I got over the initial shock, I loved that my mum was a whole person and didn't continue to pretend otherwise. I'm lucky, my relationship with her has always been supportive and loving, but I think the greatest lesson she taught me as a girl was to not let being in service to others become my entire life. Thanks for sharing, Mark. Beautiful reflections x
Ahhh what a lovely story Evie 🫶 Thank you for sharing