Love as Light Fades
Poetic Vignette 🌿 (7m read)
*Inspiring Song: Jasmine Thompson, “Like I’m Gonna Lose You”
Cassandra was born under the shadow of a full moon eclipse—a night that felt like a fracture in the world. Her mother always called it a portent, an ancient curse that was cast into her soul. As Cassie grew, so did the sense of loss that seemed to follow her. The doctors called it thanatophobia—a fear of death so deep, it haunted every connection she made. But Cassie knew it was more than fear. It was as if loss was hemmed into her very heart.
Her mother dragged her to doctors, specialists, psychiatrists, healers, shamans—each offering temporary fixes, none offering peace. To cope with the unbearable weight of abandonment, Cassie learned to push people away while simultaneously craving closeness. Now, after her latest college heartbreak—ending things with a boy she had begun to grow close to—Cassie found herself back home, standing at the door of the cabin by the lake.
Her oversized black hoodie cloaked her, as if she could hide from the world. Inside, holding the door half open, her father looked up, startled.
“Oh, Cassie. I wasn’t expecting you. Is it a university holiday? Does your mother know you were coming?”
Her eyes stayed low. “No. Is she here?”
“Out running errands. But come in. I’ll make some tea,” opening the door wide open.
Cassie hesitated, her voice fragile. “When will she be back?”
“A couple hours, probably. You know your mother.” He offered a weak smile.
“I should go,” she muttered, turning toward the door.
But her father stepped in front of her, desperation cracking his voice. “No. Please, stay.” His tone softened. “Cassie, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”
The dam broke. She collapsed into his arms, tears rushing forward. Sobbing into her father’s flannel shirt, she uttered, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I broken?”
At first, he stiffened—this man who had never quite known what to do with emotions—but slowly, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. They stood entwined, as the silence of the cabin held their shared grief.
Later, they sat on a wooden bench by the lake, the sun sinking low, casting the water in soft shades of gold. Cassie held a steaming mug of mint tea, but the warmth barely touched the cold in her chest.
“I forgot how beautiful fall sunsets are here,” she whispered. “I never noticed as a kid.”
Her father nodded, staring out at the lake. The silence stretched between them, heavy with unsaid things.
“I know growing up wasn’t easy for you,” he finally said, his voice rough.
Cassie’s eyes stayed on the horizon. “You were never around, Dad. I don’t blame you, but you were always absent or… silent. Somewhere else.”
He sighed, the regret clear in his voice. “I know. I wasn’t… present, not the way you needed. I felt powerless. And your mother—she was always so much stronger, so much more. I didn’t know how to help.”
Cassie’s fingers tightened around the mug, her throat constricting as old wounds reopened. “I used to think you didn’t care.”
He turned to look at her, his expression soft. “Of course I cared. I just didn’t know how to show it.”
Pausing for a moment as his eyes fell downward, he continued, “But you, Cassie—people always said you made them feel special. I used to watch you as a child; you had that gift. You could make anyone feel loved. I have no idea where you learned it, because you clearly didn’t get it from your mother or me. But unlike your mother, I never saw it as a curse.”
Cassie looked at him, confusion clouding her eyes.
“The way you sense loss, the way you fear it—it’s because you understand how fleeting life is. You love so deeply because of that. It’s not something to fear, Cassie. It’s a superpower. I wish I’d told you that sooner.”
He takes a moment to look out across the starlit lake and resumes,“remember when you told Grandma that she was going to die and you clung to her so tightly she almost fell over? You must have been seven. I never hugged my parents, not once. I never told my own mother how much I loved her. I wish I could be as brave as you are.”
Her breath caught, a dark weight pressing down on her chest, something heavy and cold sinking into her gut. That familiar, haunting sense—the one she couldn’t explain. She swallowed hard, her voice trembling. “Dad… is there something you’re not telling me?”
He smiled faintly, tears glistening in his eyes as he allowed himself to be held. “I have cancer. The doctors say it’s… terminal.”
Cassie’s world blurred, air escaped her ears, her mind racing to push the dread away, but it clung to her like it always did. She leaned into him, clutching his sleeve as tears fell.
“Sweetie,” he whispered. “I’ve lived my life, and I’m grateful for every moment. Death is a cruel teacher, only teaching us how precious time is after it’s too late. You feel it more than most, but that doesn’t mean you have to live in fear. You don’t have to carry other people’s burdens. You can grieve and still be happy, sad but appreciative for the little time we have. Like now, I’m sad I’ll miss your wedding day, the birth of your children and so many more special moments. But I’m also happy that I got this opportunity to finally tell you how proud I am of you. And how much I love you, my sweet little Cassie.” Wrapping her in a firm yet gentle embrace, his hand cradling the back of her head as he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.
“You’ve carried so much suffering. It’s your time. It’s time for you to find your joy.”
Cassie sobbed against him, her heart breaking again, but somewhere inside, a fragile peace began to settle. They sat there beneath the rising stars, the full moon casting silver ripples on the lake. And for the first time, in her father’s arms, she felt the weight of loss and love without fear, only somber gratitude for this precious gift.
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye
I won't take you for granted
'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time