I Feel...

A Glimpse Into My Men's Group (4m read)

Thank you

Aaron Mazel-Gee

for leading with heart and integrity. Your dedication to the community and work lights the way for others. And to the men who show up each week with courage and honesty — your willingness to sit with discomfort in the name of growth is a quiet act of bravery.

I’ve included more information about our Men’s Group in the Appendix.¹

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“I feel”

Two simple words, yet they hold the power to unlock an entirely new world. Not the digital illusion we so often chase, but a return to something ancient and real: the present moment. A place where we come home to ourselves, and to each other.

Every Monday afternoon before Men’s Group, I feel a familiar wave of doubt, anxiety, and fear. My stomach tightens. My heart races. My mind begins to spin.

But when I close my eyes for the opening meditation, I feel safe, settled, secure.

Following my short check-in, I utter, “I’m here, and I’m in.” I feel my feet flat on the floor. My shoulders soften. My hands settle gently on my thighs. I feel powerful. Present.

Then comes the long check-in. As we return from break, I wait for my turn. I search for the “right” moment, and with each breath, my chest grows tighter. The fluorescent lights hum overhead, buzzing down into my scalp. My legs twitch. I feel the tremble—old and familiar. The urge to flee. To perform. To find the right stories and accompanying emotions. I feel a need to control.

I close my eyes. I go inward. I drop into my body. I slowly open my eyes, ready to share.

“Mark checking in”

I feel fear

I’ve had this nagging fear of dancing that still continues to haunt me.

Every time I approach a dance floor, I feel dread. The lights flash, the music pulses, and right away, there it is again. My hands clasp tightly, my chest tightens, and my breath shifts high into my chest.

I feel overwhelmed, not by the noise or the crowd, but by watching people move so freely, so comfortably in their own skin.

I walk away and retreat like a wallflower.

As the event unfolds, I feel shame and disgust. My body goes rigid. My hands hide in my pockets. I feel paralyzed, masking my true feelings.

After the event is over and I’m all alone, I feel disappointed in myself for not having overcome this fear after so many years.

Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. ~Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Nightlife by Archibald John Motley Jr.

I feel proud

After each session as we linger around the space talking, I feel excited for the version of myself who continues to come each week, who does the work, and who one day will get to enjoy the compounding benefits of all this effort.

As I look around the room at the familiar faces, I feel deep reverence and gratitude for everyone who showed up. I feel a soothing warmth rise in my chest.

I feel proud of what was shared and how through this collective process we are pushing the limits and ideals of what it means to be a man.

I feel hopeful for a future where men can honor not only their minds and also the infinite expanse of their hearts.

I feel honored to be sharing this journey with all these brave souls.

Aho!²

Brave means living from the inside out. Brave means, in every uncertain moment, turning inward, feeling for the Knowing, and speaking it out loud. ~Glennon Doyle, Untamed

The meaningful hug by Alina Andrienko

Checking Out

As we form a standing circle, arms draped over each other’s shoulders, reflecting on what was shared this night, and ready to return to our own worlds, I feel kinship.

Mark, checking out.

I feel tired and hungry. I feel inspired. I feel appreciative. I feel optimistic. I feel love.

I’m out.

Aho!

Thank you for reading.

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Appendix

¹Men’s Group Information

• Meet Every Monday night starting at 6:30pm typically lasting 2 hours

• 10-12 Members

• Format

  • Popcorn Emotions

  • Business

  • Stretches

  • Meditation

  • Short Check-Ins

  • Clears and/or Activity

  • Break (8 minutes)

  • Long Check-Ins (4-6 minutes depending on time and the number of attendees)

  • Check-Outs

²Aho! the mantra we say after each share